We are human beings, not human doings!
Before my original breakdown back in 2014, I thought I was firing on all cylinders. Being effective. Being efficient. Being productive. Multitasking. Giving 100% in all areas of my life. All those things our society seems to value. In hindsight, I was running myself into the ground. I kept going until I couldn't go on anymore.
I am selective in how and where I use my energy nowadays, having learnt the hard way that my energy is finite. I've learned to take regular time to just be. To slow down. For it to be OK to do less. I've given myself time to discern what my particular gifts are - we all have gifts - and found the conditions in which I am able to express them.
One necessary condition for me nowadays is an inbuilt flexibility in everything I do. On my recovery journey, I am going forward more often than not. But there will be temporary setbacks. At these times it's important to be able to reach out to others. To get cover for a task I had put myself forward for. Or get an extension on a work deadline. Or simply rearrange a coffee with an understanding friend.
Along with this need for flexibility is another key requirement for me now, which is to honestly be myself in every area of my life. If I'm having a “wobble” with my mental health, as well as trying to do the things I can do to help myself, I'll also flag it up to my boss, my church community, as well as friends and family.
It can be hard to get the balance right in our lives between being and doing, especially in a world that often prizes productivity. Our worth can seem too often to be measured in terms of how much we do. However, not everyone can be as productive as they would like to be. It might be due to a physical or mental disability, or some other reason. Perhaps like me, you feel better on some days than others, and how much you are able to achieve on a given day may drastically vary.
I know a lady who has suffered from chronic pain for decades and is practically housebound most of the time. Yet she has a very full spiritual life, and many friends and family who love and value her and her insights. In the world's terms she may not “do” very much. But her inner life is rich.
If we overly value doing over being, how will we then view ourselves if we suddenly can't do what we've always done? Looking back, before my original breakdown back in 2014, I was under ridiculous amounts of pressure. Some externally imposed. Some self-imposed. Now my life is much healthier and more balanced.
You may want to reflect on whether you have taken a bit of time lately to just be?
How did it feel to just be, however briefly?
Bryony Bennett