Nostalgic tendencies
When something from the past provokes emotions, memories and feelings of warmth, this can be very unique, special and personal. In fact, nostalgia can result, something which there has been mixed opinion about in the past. Some professionals believed it was harmful and related to melancholia and depression. The word nostalgia comes from the Greek language communicating 'home coming' and 'pain'.
On a more positive note, in recent days it has been found that there are many favourable outcomes related to feeling nostalgic, such as dealing with loneliness, coping with grief and actually feeling physically warmer on a cold day.
What may you be longing for? It could be a person, a time and place or a social identity you once assumed. There could be triggers and reminders which sets off the nostalgic thinking - you hear a song, for example, and it stirs an emotional response because it is important to you and it may evoke a place, time or event. Many people have 'that song' in their repertoire which is a strong reminder of a special time.
As time goes on changes occur and it can be easy to get caught up in nostalgic thoughts, such as 'back in the day...' without mobile phones, gadgets and apps, we actually used to talk to each other. With the recent 'technical revolution' and social media, the more mature generations need to be aware that the youth of today were born into the internet, social media and mobile phone lifestyle. The advantages are huge however there does seem to be a collective opinion that good old communication is not the same as it was.
Life today can be hard with many pressures and it may be tempting to look back at another time where we felt happier, grounded or just at a really good place with ourselves. This is harmless and can even offer us a mood boost but getting too caught up in it may take away from the here and now and we may even have adapted our memories to make the reminiscing more positive than it actually was, a bit like wearing rose tinted glasses.
I am guilty of indulging with nostalgia, often thinking my life in Paris (ten years) was the only key time when I experienced true happiness. This is false however it was pivotal for me in terms of decision making and future planning. I eventually realised that I had over romanticised and very recently a short visit after many years put things in perspective for me - Paris is not 'perfection' but a wonderful place which has its drawbacks like any other city.
Nostalgia is connected with memory, emotion and reward: creating new memories, catching up with people, chatting and recalling events may help to keep things in check but loneliness can result in unhelpful nostalgia and even ruminating on what we cannot change. Grief, heartbreak and longing can be painful and it can take time to heal but for a large part nostalgia is to do with feeling connected. This is important - feeling like you actually belong.
So, for me the ultimate challenge was to try and speak french again while over there after a gap of time - and I just fell into it asking 'I hope it is not too late in the day for a croissant?' The waiter complimented 'my french' (The reward!) and I strangely felt like I was home, even for a short while.
The following day at another cafe it felt like the waitress looked down her nose at me for purchasing with a card rather than cash, I could only apologise and enjoy the coffee anyway. My Parisian fantasy unravelled long ago it seems.
