Close the Circle or keep the pain going?

From my own experiences,  I've found that that pain is a constant in life.  I hope yours is less so.  Perhaps it's meant to be an infrequent learning tool ...and maybe it helps us to appreciate the nicer experiences when they come along.

We can hold pain in different ways, allowing it to sit within as a physical symptom, or as a mental health issue, often visible in one's eyes.  Recognising our own pain is important; why it exists...but more importantly, what we do with it is more important.

We all have experiences that have given us great joy and the removal of that connection from the people we shared those experiences with can leave a chasm and cause pain. 

So how do people deal with their pain?  Some can't shift it.  Their pain is so great that it's like a bottle that they continually work on emptying but life's experiences keep filling up for them, others are more fortunate ... they say they manage to let go of their pain completely.

Consciously or subconciously, there's an element of human society that believes in making sure that other people experience the same pain, through the same or similar circumstances.  How many times have you heard someone say, 'Wait til your kids are the same age', or 'Wait until you've been working here a while, you'll be as bitter as the rest of us'?  These sorts of phrases are indicative of personalities that may want you to experience the same pain or unhappiness that they have experienced.

They may guide you towards incidents to help make sure that you experience that same pain or negative experience.  It's in your interest to recognise such people in your life as soon as possible ... and to skirt around them as much as possible.

The people that you should listen too and learn from are the ones that close the circle on their pain.  They'll still experience it but they won't want you to go through the same pain; they'll help you to recognise the pitfalls and negotiate a safer path around the problem.

How do you recognise them?  Language can be a good indicator; what people talk about and how they talk about it.  

Some people swear out of frustration or when they get passionate about something ... don't be offended by them, listen to what they're saying around the expletives.  Other people will swear at you, perhaps for no good reason; they're the ones to avoid.

Some people use the word 'hate' a lot without realising the negative energy that the word pulls in.  Hate for me is something very deep and self-destructive.  I choose not to hate, I choose to dislike, it stops me getting tied in to a bad energy - there's too much hatred circling human societies through, wars, crime, corruption and other injustices ... let alone family tragedies.  I don't use the word hate, even with all of my life experiences and the injustices that I've experienced.

So, we have to decide one thing:  do we want to be the sort of person that lets go of the bad energy and help others have a better shared experience by closing the circle of pain and not transferring the experience on to another... or do we want others to experience our pain for themselves and continue that cycle of negativity leading towards hatred?  I'd rather close the circle and not treat people the way that I've been treated.

Villayat 'Wolf' Sunkmanitu

Forgive and forget ... or forgive and drown?

Whether you believe in re-incarnation or some other belief system that teaches you that we are here to learn something ... or even if you believe in nothing but the strength contained within yourself - there are lessons to be learned in the journey of life.

Some believe that we come back to this life to correct our wrong-doings from a previous life.  We face hurdles in this life, varying in severity, relative to our mistakes or wrongful actions of past lives.

A lot of religious or spiritual paths preach that forgiveness is essential in order for us to divorce ourselves from painful experiences ... and to move on in a healthy way from 'lessons'.

I was thinking about the issue of forgiveness.  I've forgiven people for what they've do to me ... but there are some things that I can't forget.  I forgave my Mother and Father for the childhood I endured as a result of their parenting; and I forgave my brother and sister for their part in this.  I can't forget though, so the best thing for me is distance.

Life is like living an exam ... we don't have to score 100% to pass.  So if the most we can do is forgive the people that have hurt us the most, that has to be enough.  If we have tried to visit them but have found that it creates a really bad stress reaction or anxiety, then we should stay away from those that have created that reaction within us ... you can' t find peace in a storm.

The most important thing about learning the lessons from our experiences is having the ability to close the circle of pain ... so we don't hurt others that come into our lives as a result of the pain we have endured at the hands of others.

We should celebrate the achievements of our children, not ridicule them.  They should be living their journeys for themselves rather than living their lives for other people.  We have a duty to live our lives with a good degree of happiness ... because it's not an easy journey... so do what makes you happy - as long as you're not hurting other people.

We should also take responsibility for our actions and not pass the responsibility for our own failings onto the shoulders of others.  It is unacceptable to allow a child to carry the blame for an incident when the responsibility of care lay with the parents.

I won't be visiting my blood relatives again.

I wish my Father a peaceful passing when his time comes ... and the same to my other relatives.

Villayat 'Wolf' Sunkmanitu