Trying to motivate myself ...

Part of me looks at what's happening from outside of myself ... the objective part of me.  That part recognises the downward spiral and how the different elements are connected.  How the smallest thing can tip the balance and make me shut down and put me in the place that I'm in right now.

It usually take me a while to get my gear stowed away after a trip ... but not as long as it's taking this time.  The gear's all over the place and not unpacked.  One of the cameras went down this trip, a canon 40D and I haven't even contacted the authorised repairers yet.  Luckily, I'd taken a backup with me just in case of something like this happening.

There's a huge pile of clean clothing and bedding that's been gathering on my sofa or over a month now.  I've got to get that all tidied up and stowed too.  The washing up's going to be tackled today.  I need to find someone reliable to trim my trees down ... and I want to find some bushes with lovely scents to waft into my house from the garden.

The work around selling the book and getting the exhibition together has come to a temporary halt.  There seems to be no way of getting assistance unless you're connected.  Barnes and Noble in the USA have been very cagey about getting the title in.  They don't want to pay the price it's being offered at, even though it's been explained that this is a project to help Veterans and their families rather to line my pockets, and to help other people understand PTSD.  They have a trading relationship with Gardners books here in the UK.  I agreed to give Gardners a bigger discount and now they're playing funny games too because I've had a change of contact person.  The new contact person doesn't seem to have even looked at the book or have any awareness of the fact that Veterans Week is coming up and that the title was meant to be available for then.  I have to find people that are connected that want to help sell this book.

Perhaps the most disappointing news of the week was to hear that the Royal Photographic Society don't want to be involved with the PTSD awareness project.  They wouldn't want their logo on the same banner as the Royal British Legion, Help for Heroes, Combat Stress and the actual War Veterans Agency ( a govenrment organisation), all of whom want to help raise awareness of PTSD in veterans and to provide them with avenues of support.  They haven't given a reason for their refusal.

The photography business is ambling along.  No prints have sold in this new financial year, yet.  I get contacts saying, 'I love your work and want to buy something for my home/office', and it seems to stop there.  Businesses that I have supported don't seem to want to return the favour.  Saying that, there are 2 local businesses that are trying to sell my book for me:  Mucho Cuadros in Hockley and a bathroom suite outlet in Bullwell that's run by Grenville.  So the last financial year is another trading loss.

I've also been ripped off by a restaurant who wanted to purchase some of my work for their restaurant that's opening soon.  2 hours of free consultation and they went to get the prints from another source - having taken my ideas along with them.  That's made me re-think stuff with regard to consulting ... they get invoiced for any time spent with them from the start.

My kids and photography, together with the time we spent at Heather and Mike's place was the only saving grace this last month ... and meeting up with Derek. Joshua, my son, wanted to be photographed doing some of his free-running.  Laila, my daughter, has taken a camera off me - she wants to get back into photography.  Will she do it?  I'll have to wait and see :o)  She also wanted to be photographed riding a horse at one of her lessons.

I got some lovely shots in a few different locations.   It's been good to just stick with nature photography this year and to tap into that natural energy.  I went and re-acquainted myself with the ocean.  For those of you that have read 'Words of a Wolf', the poem 'Leaving the Storm' on page 32 is about the last time I spent 'communing' with the ocean.  I still carry that stone with me wherever I go.

The foxes and cubs were a joy to watch.  The mother had markings that looked like mange or something at a distance but up close I saw that she just had very unusual but beautiful markings.

I spent time sitting in a space near them and letting them get used to me and seeing how close they would come to me.  I wasn't disappointed. 

Time for my morning bath. 



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