Rollercoaster ...

Today's been a tough ride so far.  It feels like someone put me in a glass, water filled capsule and gave it a good shaking.  It feels like my emotions are trying to tear something and the only thing they can tear is 'me'.  There's no rhyme or reason to it ... it's just one of those days when things are rough and I just have to sit here and weather it.  I'm nearly a week back into the meds now and it's getting worse.  If I didn't have such a lousy short-term memory, maybe I'd be able to remember more of how it was the last time I took a break from the meds and how it felt to come back on them and that information could console me.  Still, I suppose that these words will be on for future reference .. if I remember that they're here! :o)

I feel like it would be a bad idea to go dancing tonight.  Everything's too near the surface and bubbling.  I feel dangerous today and I'll not risk hurting someone with words or anythig else.  When I'm in this space it wouldn't take someone much to trigger a reaction.

I'm remembering all the things that calm me:  smudging, playing my flute, taking a hot bath and playing some soothing music.  So that's all I can do tonight as I sit here at the mercy of the ride.


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